you awoke and brought me along unwittingly as i followed you out of
the room. still blinking the dreams from my eyelashes i followed your
shadow through the hallway. when i turned the corner i saw the lights of
the city around your silhouette. a star shower strong and bright enough
to bring you out of the deep was making use of all the black canvas. i
had to walk right up behind you and press myself against your pajamas to
see them go. so high in the night. the window frame hiding most of the
show.
i could smell you. your hair.
neither of us made a move to acknowledge the other. just my body pressed against yours.
silence in the hallway interrupted only by someone opening their door letting the sound of a TV escape. when silence again surrounded us your breath was the first thing i heard and i wanted to steal it.
wear it.
drink it.
it smelled like warm tea and chapstick.
it was in the moment i watched your breath become form on the window reaching out i tried to take it. i woke with my arm reaching to the ceiling laying there in my bed. sweeping my arm out under the blankets touching nothing. i missed you. and i don't know you.
i could smell you. your hair.
neither of us made a move to acknowledge the other. just my body pressed against yours.
silence in the hallway interrupted only by someone opening their door letting the sound of a TV escape. when silence again surrounded us your breath was the first thing i heard and i wanted to steal it.
wear it.
drink it.
it smelled like warm tea and chapstick.
it was in the moment i watched your breath become form on the window reaching out i tried to take it. i woke with my arm reaching to the ceiling laying there in my bed. sweeping my arm out under the blankets touching nothing. i missed you. and i don't know you.
it was only this morning i watched you eat round little circles.
hair poking out in all directions and tank top wrinkled from bring
wrapped in a loose sheet. i could see you smile with your head bowed
down to meet the spoon. you knew i wasn't eating...just watching you.
the tops of your cheeks rising a little higher with each grin you hid
from me. your hair hung just enough over your left eye to make you think
i couldn't see.
the spoon would ring the bowl like a bell when you dipped near the sides to catch escaping O's, but silent as snow when you drank the milk from it. one red lip arching out and holding the bottom of the silver to your tongue. pink. white. silver. brown. across the table, everything looked a thousand miles away, and so small...
it made me hungry for you. watching you so distant.
not being in your mouth.
selfish desires to take you back to bed spilled out of my head into my eyes. i was supposed to be eating, you reminded me. i was supposed to be taking a shower and getting ready to leave. instead i sat there watching a drop of milk slide from the side of your lip to the center getting heavier and stretching down. i sat back in my chair and pulled my hands from underneath me where i had been sitting on them. i reached out to touch that drop. you saw me coming and thought i was up to no good.you jerked your head back enough to make the milk drop away.
there i sat with my hand reached out to you looking surprised and grinning. you didn't ask me why.
i didn't say.
i got up and walked to the bathroom hearing your head shake slowly in the morning silence. it could have been a cat shaking her paw on the couch in the living room as i passed.
the spoon would ring the bowl like a bell when you dipped near the sides to catch escaping O's, but silent as snow when you drank the milk from it. one red lip arching out and holding the bottom of the silver to your tongue. pink. white. silver. brown. across the table, everything looked a thousand miles away, and so small...
it made me hungry for you. watching you so distant.
not being in your mouth.
selfish desires to take you back to bed spilled out of my head into my eyes. i was supposed to be eating, you reminded me. i was supposed to be taking a shower and getting ready to leave. instead i sat there watching a drop of milk slide from the side of your lip to the center getting heavier and stretching down. i sat back in my chair and pulled my hands from underneath me where i had been sitting on them. i reached out to touch that drop. you saw me coming and thought i was up to no good.you jerked your head back enough to make the milk drop away.
there i sat with my hand reached out to you looking surprised and grinning. you didn't ask me why.
i didn't say.
i got up and walked to the bathroom hearing your head shake slowly in the morning silence. it could have been a cat shaking her paw on the couch in the living room as i passed.
old tapes make me sneeze
the soft color of your foot sticking out at the edge of the bed makes me feel young. the colors are so simple and calming i want to cradle it. arched as if a glass slipper shaped it and now has become invisible. those little toes look so vulnerable and sensitive wiggling in the air i worry they are bait for a monster bulging under the sheets only inches away.
your disembodied voice sings to me through this chilly morning. the toes not keeping time to the tune of your request..."i feel like listening to so and so". you say it so sweetly... it doesn't sound like a hidden request but only a sigh of desire.
i want to watch your toes wiggle and tap for the rest of my life in this morning light. i silently hop up and make my way to the basement in search of the only source of said music to keep this morning going on.
down the stairs i go, under false light i wander, in search of infinity. my mind is still watching your legs swish under light fabric hoping your toast with apple butter will last as long as it takes me to find this music you crave.
i see boxes marked in lettering i can no longer distinguish and shoes boxes that mark their age readily by their design and i remember their contents. |i kick the edge of a wood box as i squeeze into a stack in my quest. my mind pops out of the dream for a moment so it can mutter "fuck!" and then continue to knee up the pile in hot pursuit.
i see the blue box i remembered from long ago and drag it out from under its captor and down into my lap. i brush away a smashed spider web and blow a layer of dust away. flipping it open i see the long edges of tapes last played when fm radio was still the best way to hear new music.
i see the tape you want. just his name can start the song playing in my ears. sitting there in the half dark i close my eyes and remember the day i played it for you.
we were sitting in a loft with all white walls and brown furniture. i had just spent two hours staring at your lips and eyes speaking words of adoration and utter devotion. i begged your pardon as i put in a tape i had made for you. i shuffled back on my knees to you as the hiss stopped and the song began. his voice a wonderful mixture of gritty manhood and feminine sensitivity. words perfectly chosen. instruments balanced and precise.
smiling i snatched the tape from the orphaned group and boogied up the stairs to the bedroom you patiently waited in.
you were still laying in the same position and your foot was still dangling and doing that little jitterbug i love so much.
i grabbed the tape deck from the closet and checked the batteries for enough life to last this day and plopped in the tape.
i sat the deck on the bed by our feet and lay next to you throwing my leg over yours in the same moment. smiling into your cheek i pushed my hand under the covers and found your hot little fingers and collapsed around them as his voice pointed out of the speakers right at our hearts. i pulled my head back after a few moments noticing my nose was running from the dust i still had all over me. a nervous smile broke out on my face.
laying next to you smiling and worrying what i was going to do with my little runny nose as we listened to this beautiful music when i decided that it would be just great and i would just..
These are beautiful and perfect.
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